arithmetic english.
If you were to read the English class as I did. Many people in this place bothered me because they looked on with these inane eyes of self satisfaction. They must have it all planned. And that when the metric of the wrong in this life came by and I was the only one to comfort it-they looked at me with such malice until I held back and looked my gaze at them then elsewhere. Besides this the class was very very boring. There was of course this girl I liked but I dis included myself because I thought I was not up to her standards. Her standards I just assumed as I had been accustomed to just count off myself because of past hurt. I pondered my life. I pondered my life. The teacher spoke of this topic matter and it was so boring, just what was this english. People of the gaze evil eye just spoke this innocence of not knowing. She forced us to speak when no one would say anything. But eventually these people just fed her what she wanted to her and gave no differing opinions and from how they had looked me as if to try to pit blame on me, I was never going to speak and there was some bad interesting there because those people were hostile. It was like they were hitler's regime. And I could not say anything different or they would blame me.
This guy I tried to befriend, quickly I realized he had fallen into their fray and they all looked at me with this blank look. I truly hated them. They had no business acting like this and while I could have challenged them-the teacher could even easily take this as behaving bad and misbehaving and kick me from the course. For example, to test boundaries I just made appear as if I had fallen asleep. But what did the teacher do? Yell at me to wake up, so honestly I would just wait for her to call on me to speak but the way she did it was not nice either.
The girl I liked spoke up many times because she was liked and nor she was one of these eye fucking people. She was kind and gave well responses in fact becoming like one of the regular voices to say something. However, everyone else noticed what I noticed and she noticed. Of course, it took until the time I fell asleep for me to recognize. She was staring intently at me all the time when I had closed my eyes and I eventually just had to recognize-that everything with her was not what I thought at all. Then I fell so hard. But these fellows had sharp eyes on me when I recognized. I tried to look at her yet subvert my gaze.
The teacher then broke off the moment and told me to answer some questions. Suddenly after that she would always do her best to embarrass me in front of the girl with her teacher authority and thinking I was sleeping but only had my eyes close because it was a hell of boring just listening to them speaking besides the girl I might add.It was like be bombarded for having a feeling. That same behavior continue. And what seemed to be a mutual attraction grew but I could never muster the strength to stab myself to communicate with her and rather I had to kind of stay low as everyone must to stay alive. I was so angry yet sad but I had faith it would work out. One day I would be able to speak to her. One day the circumstances would not led to a falling out of some sort. One day it would not get me kicked from class. But it never came, yet my faith still remains and is the source of my inspiration and no sum of black mail can get rid of it. No sum of meddling neither. No sum of ego thriving and triumphing bullshit can ever get rid of it. My faith still remains and when I complete this blog~ I just feel I have achieved some type of testament against social evils. I just feel I have achieved some type of right to the wrong that was done. That I have finally gotten my due for her. In that I am finally able to declare my feelings in sum of recording the events and myself at the time. That I am able to speak my testament and what of my record-happened. It finally adds up. I am able to say my faith. My conviction. Even if she is different or gone from what she believed or not-maybe the accord will reach her. And my story will reach her somehow and someway.
But it also serves to spite those who of these different "good majors" and not ;who thought they were so kin in english but can never record their own important message yet have nothing but blasphemies to write down. And how they were just sheep in the fray and how their evil looks at me really only did nothing to encourage their advancement in english to any great degree for them to even do anything with it to this level. Moreso to say, same age or older than some-its not hard to fucking write. Yet they bow the buddha for great enlightment in their demonic ways. And that they looked at the teacher as "god" or some "great religious teacher" in many ways in just pandering comments to please her and not caring about english at all. Nor caring about common decency to not be a burden to people in academic situations and not just be a buggard-total fuck head. Who is just there to pass the damn class and not doing anything else like understand English!
This guy I tried to befriend, quickly I realized he had fallen into their fray and they all looked at me with this blank look. I truly hated them. They had no business acting like this and while I could have challenged them-the teacher could even easily take this as behaving bad and misbehaving and kick me from the course. For example, to test boundaries I just made appear as if I had fallen asleep. But what did the teacher do? Yell at me to wake up, so honestly I would just wait for her to call on me to speak but the way she did it was not nice either.
The girl I liked spoke up many times because she was liked and nor she was one of these eye fucking people. She was kind and gave well responses in fact becoming like one of the regular voices to say something. However, everyone else noticed what I noticed and she noticed. Of course, it took until the time I fell asleep for me to recognize. She was staring intently at me all the time when I had closed my eyes and I eventually just had to recognize-that everything with her was not what I thought at all. Then I fell so hard. But these fellows had sharp eyes on me when I recognized. I tried to look at her yet subvert my gaze.
The teacher then broke off the moment and told me to answer some questions. Suddenly after that she would always do her best to embarrass me in front of the girl with her teacher authority and thinking I was sleeping but only had my eyes close because it was a hell of boring just listening to them speaking besides the girl I might add.It was like be bombarded for having a feeling. That same behavior continue. And what seemed to be a mutual attraction grew but I could never muster the strength to stab myself to communicate with her and rather I had to kind of stay low as everyone must to stay alive. I was so angry yet sad but I had faith it would work out. One day I would be able to speak to her. One day the circumstances would not led to a falling out of some sort. One day it would not get me kicked from class. But it never came, yet my faith still remains and is the source of my inspiration and no sum of black mail can get rid of it. No sum of meddling neither. No sum of ego thriving and triumphing bullshit can ever get rid of it. My faith still remains and when I complete this blog~ I just feel I have achieved some type of testament against social evils. I just feel I have achieved some type of right to the wrong that was done. That I have finally gotten my due for her. In that I am finally able to declare my feelings in sum of recording the events and myself at the time. That I am able to speak my testament and what of my record-happened. It finally adds up. I am able to say my faith. My conviction. Even if she is different or gone from what she believed or not-maybe the accord will reach her. And my story will reach her somehow and someway.
But it also serves to spite those who of these different "good majors" and not ;who thought they were so kin in english but can never record their own important message yet have nothing but blasphemies to write down. And how they were just sheep in the fray and how their evil looks at me really only did nothing to encourage their advancement in english to any great degree for them to even do anything with it to this level. Moreso to say, same age or older than some-its not hard to fucking write. Yet they bow the buddha for great enlightment in their demonic ways. And that they looked at the teacher as "god" or some "great religious teacher" in many ways in just pandering comments to please her and not caring about english at all. Nor caring about common decency to not be a burden to people in academic situations and not just be a buggard-total fuck head. Who is just there to pass the damn class and not doing anything else like understand English!
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