The Gang School of Houston.

7 years ago on this day, rather the Tuesday of Spring Break in March 2015 is when I started to work on Launching 4's drafts. These drafts would later become the things that would help me work on later works of Launching 4 aka the August 2018 attempt and the fall 2020 attempt and even the most recent efforts of February 2022. The great thing is that a person had to have confidence in the things that they were doing. Very much, I did on that day wake up earlier than I did today to have that confidence; I did not have everything figured out in that time period but what I started in confidence is what later changed into a format that I would complete by the beginning of fall 2015! 

I do say retrospectively, this was not the best of times in which I began but certainly it was better than that whole graphic design fiasco in the community college which I can say was racist, belittling and only promoted some people having graphic design careers in some classism system based on favoritism. Favoritism which could greatly be linked to skin color and kin; especially kin-rewarding them things and opportunities that other students could not get. Things were simpler and not simple. My great goals as a romantic was to some how woe these girls from that previous college but never did a person realize how animalistic, evil, contrived and childish many of these people were. How weak and desperate these people were for an allusion and illusion to power that they would ditch you over the side of the bridge if they could; if not bringing to bat many of these people embraced racist tendencies in a place-a school that was to be "diverse". These people did not understand commitments of any kind but just vague and false promises of what you had to offer through some convoluted grapevine of sorts. A grapevine that just as well promoted people to be their worst and corrupted the many if not the kept senders of the messages.

You could spend great amounts of time there and in the past wondering about these people and how they would fit in the puzzle and how you were going to be the wonderboy to eventually get the girl despite the terrible toxic environment you and they were. I now know what a folly it was to even try to chase weak willed people who could easily just turn on you at any mention and do so viciously as if merited and as if purposeful when its nothing more than a thinly veiled hate crime pegged on by an university that is derelict in its "values". The great matter of the time is that, however, I -the romantic wanted to believe more in people. That they were capable of understanding the real ideals of romantics and not just cavewomen understandings of it. These people had no respect for me in reality regardless of how many times they tried to convince theirselves that they did only so they could go along with the fake diversity campaign of the college. 

I would say; that I am not diverse-I just am and really much don't need the flag of diversity to explain why I exist. The great thing is that I am a natural person and these people were fake. These people in the March 2015 really added nothing but burdens, hatred, takeaways, desperate attempts to ward great sicknesses onto you through their newfound "diversity spirituality"(aka this means they culturally appropriated and did the worst to a people's culture-to wish for terrible deaths upon people), convinced theirselves after the fact that you were the one being fake and that you were the one who was always trying to talk to them ( though I would not know this until very much later aka 2018 to 2022 talking to these various different individuals) and really much were crazy through and through brainwashed that you were in the wrong for securing your ace whilst they wasted time, money and ambition at a place that did not work for them even if they got a degree from the place. It did not work for them in the end because they had become hollow, immoral people and people who would see a rainbow and say," its just the sky". People who became afraid to dream, do or even do outside of their conventional "cultural" beliefs and even be their own people. I, only had my hunches then of these things from certain experiences but never could just belligerently like them accuse them of these things. Who is to say this was not a trick of a place that sowed doubt on people's ability to choose their own romantic relationships and which its headmaster never dated but was matched; to similarly believe that people can be worthy of matching and not worthy of matching to discriminate against people even covertly on these regards as if to create their "ideal version" of perfect people. Who ideally are greatly flawed by all these weird stimulations and projections I was getting from people; who I could not prove at the time it even came from them. It would take years before I would knew the answer and so greatly folks a person was conflicted. You could continue to be the romantic but I also realized that greatly it was most likely and more realistic that these people would turn on me for the face of fake diversity and just the indoctrination of that place they were in. That I was not worthy to be matched with them because I was not in this "great place on a hill" to be apart of these "great people on a hill".

Yet you can never realize that these people never realize that even pledging acknowledge and then even allegiance to these ideas means you receive to reject the current social order. A social order that treats people as people and does not dictate who they can and may love or even gets into their personal business. They never realized such idealisms make them objects mere to a woman's gain to be ignorant of people's own right to live, own right to decide who they love and ultimately who they would be. Tell me, you could never be a good person believing a person was a lesser class because they did not go to a certain university anymore. Never even reaching out to them to even hear why they left. Never reaching out to hear why they left but seeking to be pseudo caring only to be malicious. Malicious, why? Because the doctrine of this place tells a gullible fools that those people who leave are lessers and should not be bothered with and that they are "dropouts". People would believe you were a dropout to a dogmatic level and never consider that you had a right to do so and not be considered a lesser.  Not be considered some unclean person who they could not date.

There were so many people who dared to say they cared about me but they fucking didn't. You instead get people who don't understand complex things they should know about at their age. The fucking person who said hello to me everyday did not even understand my background or that a person could be sad or depressed. They really did not understand those concepts and a person tried as they may to be friendly as they wished but really much; they only understood saying hello to me as a way to match out their racist aggression so they could come off nice in this place. I did some research and really much Egyptians are very racist to black people and if not sexually demeaning. I would never know this until after I talked to the person and confirmed everything that was being thrown at me in else other mediums but in text format this time. I had already received greater confirmation in fall 2016 in an event that nearly murdered me. I mean so many people tried to care but it was all fake. The girl that would come to my room in spring 2014, a bit further in April to see if I was going to come back the next semester; she ideally I believe actually liked me more than the fool who said that, "he was going to shit in my hair". All the fake nice waves from women and signs of interests meant nothing when they would even come to attack me later and disturb my peace all so they could try to fit theirselves in a poison hierachy and felt as if they they were being misled by "associating with a lower class person like me" and had to recover social standing after year one. 

Or for some people it seemed like a test of their devotion to the whole thing and they just had to keep on going to prove theirselves and attack the "lower class" individual who had diminished "their status". Lol. For the fuck of it; these people could not ever be helped but just those who were radicalized and never gave a real fuck to ask the real question, why did a person leave? A person would never hear from these people in real life but you would hear it through the social waves of things. Rather enough, this one dude I spoke to from the same floor I lived on called Adam would say, " that people were asking about you". Rather that translates into, " people were asking about you but decided to ask random fucking people to make up demeaning shit about you" when you could not defend yourself. Hey, they never sought to ask me and I will say its rude foremost and cowardice the second. Many of these people like to think they are social butterflies but they aren't and they suck really at speaking to people. I thought I was shy; some people just use that as an excuse to be evil and rude and socially improper. Shit that would just increase with the prominence of technology I might add as well as people getting trapped in their own heads when they don't know the reality of things. These mother fuckers did not care about me really but just cared about what delusions and ideas they had about me. I must( probably still are) of have been their great entertainment and if women do ever masturbate to images of people; I sure I would of been one of their shadily gained images.

Its to be said a person did not reach out to these people; they reach out to me in a medium that is very culturally appropriating and demeaning. I only then waited a fucking long ass time; about two years later in fall 2016 to just fucking try to contact people who had been pestering me. Nothing good happened as a result of that and really much animosity just built up over time as people thought it was better to distance theirselves from me further and further to even extreme levels to "regain their status" as if I was an "unclean person". Radicalized and just brainwashed further and further from normal society and normal norms that the KKK would have nothing on these people. Wishing for my demise if that had not already occurred by the spring 2015 which it did but there were more people and so many people wishing for this to happen. They all ganged up on me. Never did any of these people who were once so interested in me at the start even ask why a person left. But its clear why a person did leave. The place was not helpful in attaining any skills in graphic design at all and all I was hearing shit I did not want to hear. I did not want to hear about people becoming engineer this, math that or science that. Who fucking cares? Its not as if they were going to anything with these things or anything derivative but just to please bigot mama and bigot daddy at home. I had an easier chance of getting a degree at all and in graphic design at a community college where debt was not over your damn ears-gave you the greater flexibility to fail to even become good. Where people in these larger colleges had to be some bigot becoming and some closed minded scapegoat for oppression to even be successful or just be lucky their goals were conventional enough to even be supported by an education system that really is not effective or even good at creating good positive social functions. I am to say so many people even Adam just became dropouts at one point or another; and if they had any tact in them they would have realized it was better to get going when the going was fucking good. Yet, I am to say that really much the level of hate would always exponentially grow over time as I was never there to defend myself and people accept lies and hate at face value. What left could I do but just tell the truth here when no one respected me truly enough to even ask my opinion!

What is worse is the level of people who would lead you on and worse is the level of people who would seek you out to frankly say that you aren't worth it for them and their shallow way of existence. What is worse is trying to seek people out to date just like anyone but never truly know until years later that these people were not anyone to date and that basically any normalcy has been denied to you because some bitch from India wants to bring the toxic atmosphere from that place to a fucking school that was never clean from the first fucking instance a black artist type woman was murdered and stuffed in a fucking trunk of a car! What is worse is the level of grift these mother fuckers pull to cry tears when people put them in their place when they have appropriated culture and tried to literally wish for the painful, disturbed and fiery destructions of people they fake liked for the chance at "diversity" or whatever ran their fake notions. It fucking varies from person to person of this type but damn its malicious.

When I look back at spring 2015, I realize that greatly it took great courage to even aspire to do anything in the atmosphere I was in. People peddling this idea of "dropout" at you as if it was all you were. Having this nasty stigma towards you that never ceased. From your parents to these cheesy women who thought they weren't fake. I knew what the fuck I was actually doing. People so set on this conventional path and just thinking that white people are the default anything; could fucking doubt it but they be no fucking lover of mine. People could doubt my comics and my comic methods but I knew exactly what I was doing. Slowly but surely a person did not only build up their credits to get a degree two times over but as well perfected their own comics which I am to say seems easy from an outside standpoint but is years in the making most and much of the time. I at the time, was aware of much of this "dropout" disposition.  I was but a person did not care. There were fights to be had and I did not care. There were hard things a person had to do to be successful at school and at comics; but I did it because all these people were just idiots. They did not know what plan I had set in motion and wanted to act as if they were heroes of the day when really none of what I did in the future was any of their business. They were villains to be said and if anyone was intelligent enough to understand it; they tried to dissemble it. I have to tell you that when your college is the source for villains to be borne-its not your place to ever try to appeal to moral sympathies at all.

I look back and its all the people who were just the bystanders and weren't good people theirselves that were nearest these villains that suffered the most from this pathetic toxic "romantic worthiness" class system. Adam, dude called Rench, the dude who said he would shit in my hair, the girl who complained about her roommate having too many dudes in their room and so many more would never graduate from anywhere as of recent. Whilst they wanted to play into this whole thing of belittling people; they in truth just belittled someone who was in their similar situation but was not stupid and not possibly immorally disturbed as them. I say in the similar situation of conventional college not being for them. Realistically these people had no plans but just expected to do little work and everything work just like highschool. Funny, as that is it is to be said these people were not ready for college and really much were really childish for their age. Its not a burn but its the real reality of "tell it as it is". As for romantics these fools could not be hit with anything that would even stick in that environment or else at all. The guy who said he would shit in my hair was an idiot trying to get this girl to like him when she was the person who would show up at my dorm door to ask me how I was doing and get him to tag along. Really much not smart by any real means; the girl only liked me and really much he was just a fucking creep and anyone who later ended up with him would just be with a fucking creep.

I am just to say that a person was to be doing their best when you literally had a mob of self centered people trying to knock your head in and you else try to live your life. This to be truly said a person had to be very objective and also self conflicted. They had to be open to the chance that at the end of this large mystery of whose who; that love could still be there but as well that evil could be there. But really much its very tragic on how people who could indeed be meant for each other just become enemies forever because one party just wants to attack people on their self serving needs to adhere to something that would greatly be illegal. I mean let me tell you; this college was and is trying to create its own little country with its own twisted values where people can never be free and their private lives and romantic hopes are used against them. Its all just chaos because some bitch woman from India cannot get in her head that people can freely choose who they want to be romantic with and they have no control over that.

I think that really much this is just a great retrospective of things that occurred in the past and kudos; if a school promotes a black serial murderer and his white girlfriend baby mama over black people who actually contribute good to society but dropout and want to return-the school is full of shit. And really much just goes to show how much the school is at odds with good virtues and any morals. To greatly say nothing is worse than being a "dropout" from that place as it is like a gang that you will get murdered if you ever leave.