Great Hate against Jamie

 The most troubling thing about college is whether the friendships are real. Mostly I want to talk about the Friday the 20th of 2013. It's morning and I haven't slept the entire time pretty much there were these two people I have known for the entire semester. I go to breakfast to eat but I'm hanging out with the people who I started a semester with as in the early part of the semester. What does this group matter to things? They basically are in minor how I got to know the group to which the two prior people and many others were a part of aka friend circle. The most tragic thing is that I know these people are not my friends. This girl and the two guys she was with that made up this what this friend's group at least for them basically sat with me on this day. In this time I was just sitting on the idea that I wasn't going to actually just stay in college for that long. That would turn out to not be true. I had not seen these people for awhile and particularly I had just been not even able or let's say even allowed to speak pretty much to any vocal degree by these people that you called friends. It's like it was all a commercial forced thing at this point and it's kinda sad because I brought most people together and this is how I am treated?!

Bringing these people together and they only laugh at the comedy but nothing can be said deeply. You are just like groups jester and nothing more. A person was like greatly getting annoyed by this and in an outburst trying to challenge these " self doubts" to see what was real; I spoke to these people. I voiced my sentiments to these people. "you guys if I don't return next semester just know just know that I enjoyed our time together". The girl called Kim just looked at me very annoyed and everyone else looked indifferent and and that's when I realized that they were just pretending to be nice, everyone. A dude held back lonely tears and found it quicker to eat their food as they just continued as most did speaking over a dude. As if I did not exist. This just pushed me even further to realize I had just been wasting my time and the entire time with these people. They were not my friends.

Nothing was real it was all just fake just to be a part of a commercial good of an ideal college setting as performative and really much just a thing for this place and time. The people. Probably only tolerated a black person because the theme of this place was " diversity". Nothing was real. Let's just say after that a person just got up and left as I was pretty pretty much pissed off that really much the girl looked so annoyed and everyone else didn't care as if the act was breaking the moment I showed sentience. What was I to these people? An annoyance in their comfy friend group where the girl thought for the other two and like their fucking mom. I already know the answer. I knew the final answer.

I don't have time for this I thought as I went back to study for my final biology which was the last final of the semester. I was just there my room studying as the sun came up to a brilliant hue as if I was becoming sober to what was fake half a stance happenstance of anything becoming true. I left the room to essentially go take the test and I never got any sleep. I go to the other place to take the test and the people in that that class felt more real and there was a relief. Greatly I could speak and they would speak back not with any angry faces. What this set up however was me realizing the folly of being attached to the people who truly did not matter. Those trip and then the couple? Who the fuck were they even? Not real friends and well I just did not have any great motivation with the biology folks the next semester and everyone else just being a hard ass or just not friendly or in terms of women too sexually aggressive ; I decided to leave.

The face of this girl would constantly ring I. My head when I would see her the next semester and it did not matter that I was there that time. The whole thing is that this snigglefritz looking motherfucker never gave a damn and yet there are others like this to a greater extent you can't even speak. There were to be no one real to soothe the anguish as even I was not even that great a friend for them to keep in contact. On that matter do you think that when I was "missing" in 2014 that these people actually a gave or where more interested in making up rumors about why a dude was gone?! No of these people ever contacted me later but just likely gossipped about my disappearance and in fall 2014. Nothing there was real. People just made up whatever they wanted to see and did not care about me as a person but as a product you can say in their minds that was just one they abandoned and became unavailable so they began to miss whatever they had. Like no one gave a fuck is what I am trying to tell you.

Now certain girls can cry false tears for a dude when literally they had my Facebook and basically just said fuck you. They even knew people who had the Facebook and said fuck you. The chain of disrespect for what friend group you thought you had fostered was so real that you being friends with these ungrateful bastards was a clear lie. Clown Town with the sundown town feel. Comfy couch motherfuckers just in their privilege. A fucker did not even go to the college and could actually as if he belonged but me, a black person who actually worked to get into the school did not belong? For years I am trying to communicate how fake even their " we love diversity" is when all they like is white people and give excuses to these people when they are so elitist about what type of math and path - that stuff is pathetic take that it's just bad and shows who they truly are.

I gotta say that a dude was just trying to avoid crazy than to just be involved with it as in a part of a good reason a dude did not stick around is that I knew almost all these girls interested in me was superficial. The bubble was going to pop eventually and just imagine if I stayed there when it did and these people have it out for me? When I never did anything. The thing is these people showed their true nature regardless of me leaving and despite me doing nothing to them infact as if I had done them wrong when it's their fault they never spoke to a dude. It's almost as if they are listening to a person taking advantage of their incell qualities. The girl who just grimaced at me and never responded pretty much is all I remember of the " craziness" and what those people must have been up to become so warped.

You like a dude and then you want to harm them. Like truly it shows that people could never be loyal to you but follow sums of misinformation and instead of trying to communicate to you where you went as an adult placate their selves with rumors that you basically betrayed them or the school or some bullshit. It's like people began to worship certain people and elements in this school and a person showing they weren't a part of the culture made you an enemy. So people in sensationalism and lack of self decency turned against a dude because that is what weak people do. They did not ask my feelings or why I left. And I know why I left which makes the indignity to feign feelings even a worse crime and something not tolerable. Now certain people had no means of communicating to you and so you let them off the hook. Lol. The worst decision ever as even they are weak minded people as just apart of the harassment swarm. People could fail out and never gain a college degree and be stuck in this mode for like ten fucking years+. To me this shows how much a joke college is where you got so many mentally unwell people. That bizarro logic may work on your cube earth but not a round earth.

Alas to say that Animi despite hanging with me pretty much many days in the first semester on the weekends and even up till I left as they were the last person I spoke to; you know what my prize was?! You know what my prize was?! I try to share my appreciation by writing on Facebook and all they did ever at all was write back indirectly calling me " some creep" and unfriended me. The moment a person tried to even say thank you I was just shut down not as if a human being. I wrote their real name because that mother fucker is just an ungrateful asshole. I basically showed them the friends they would have and it would be a large group of people I introduced them to and this is my response?! I had nothing but rage that summer 2014 and really much I really don't like foreigners because they always think they are better and really like the most racist white people and want to be them. Like bruh, homegirl wanted to be white when she is just a light skinned middle eastern woman from the top of Africa.

Maybe me mentioning them as from the country they came as triggered them. It's to say all that time was a waste. Hanging with this fake shit in the library. Showing her the friends and hanging with her in the dorms. What a fucking bitch. I never even had to friend them the particular day I met them. Such to say if she could not even accept me making such a post where I did not name her one lick then she to was not the one. The girl Katherine would sing such fake praises of my works and really much never even speak me after spring 2014. Oh, yea, you are better than me, not. I really just got to say how a dude just felt belittled even if she defended by creativity then on that day, I was like I was a little child with crayons and not a peer. It's just to say that people just enact whatever they want in public and don't give a fuck about the actuality of the relationship outside of anyone else and a place.

I imagine if I stayed they those two would have just grown to hate a dude. Often women just don't consider the fact that whilst you have rights and need not be dependent on no man, who the fuck are the dudes you date later after basically treating terribly a dude who ain't white but you know is a good person and yet find excuses to not even give them any form of a chance. Just scuttling them as if you are embarrassed by them! You are embarrassed by me?!! I never asked you in the first fucking place. In a time of vulnerability these people were never what I needed. So concerned about failing into the pits if " unsuccessful women" because you got a black dude who is pressing up the timeline of family in their minds. That fucking racism just ruined everything and it's their fault. A person could have even been friends but in this reality you don't even get that but people bearing and bearing down on you for shit you never did and now won't ever do. It must be fun to have such an imagination but like no.

I remember why I cannot post free comics on mk mzodern. I was thinking about this as I laid in bed. It's because of homegirl Brynn. You know she one of the later chicas. She thought she was like the first and like I am going to tell you after this girl mocked Zino Flyboy in front of a group of people and basically talk to her about it she's like, " I don't know anything about having children". I was like what? I was like okay realizing the homegirl must not be all that same as it made no sense to me. In that insanity she reminded me of Animi. Crazy, white skinned , slender nose and skinny except she had no ass. None. I felt a connection as if it's something long lost and I knew it was going to end the same way. The funny thing is that Brynn could not scuttle so much as she thought she could and would speak to me up until last year. She even did that gorochu artwork I paid her to do. To me it was like the return of Animi and then I just knew a person had to let them go. Animi for all purposes and intents was gone as the person I even knew her as and maybe she never existed in that way and was just playing a character to tolerate me. A strange tolerance that may be spending the entire day in a library with a crackpot. Walking Brynn and yes, she made me spell out her name properly in the last conversation so I will do her that favor she commented on how small my wrist was in comparison and somewhere just had the hot feelings for this person then. I walk her to the place of the art class and she waves a goodbye that is like Animi once again. However she was not great at ghosting as if inside she wanted to be with a dude but hated black people.

I am one to tell you that women don't hang with dudes they don't like for an entire day sometimes and then just walk away unless they are fucked up and the person is black to which they are just looking to continue that white lineage. I will tell you that a dude does not discriminate. To me Animi was closer to an African than a white person and they will never know it. That they aren't white and the only white culture they share is just nothing really. For me, it's very funny they want to claim to be white when African Americans at least have a " shared history " with white people and understand them to a certain degree an outsider just does not. You think a person who was Muslim understands white Christianity? And even fucking Christmas? I just have to tell you I found myself just thinking of Brynn as an Animi who can draw and is wasting their potential and creativity just as she did. It's just horrible when many times Animi encouraged me and even at one point could have become apart of mk mzodern.

Imagine that? I don't even want to explain it. But when you really need women when they could be romantic they worse than dudes being greatly indifferent to your feelings. With that said that you come away from these experiences later trying to shape people to not be as fucked up as these people. It impacted how I later communicated and maybe it may be bad to manipulate women but it's not really manipulation when you literally have the great misfortune of the negative side of that falling bad on you and years later may get people saying, " you are not real". And just laughing and mocking your existence. It's like disrespect compounded in time. I listened to that math lesson compound interest. It's better to guide people to greater morals than just give them too much free reign whilst they want to be connected to you. Its just going to drag you down over time.

All there is to say college just granted me life long enemies from potential romantic denizens and that is to show how corrupt it is.