No, no.

 Patricia; the last person to which I cared about.

In the great suffering which was a period of time; you go from women interest to interest realizing the environment just means that people lie to these women and racism embedded in religion and their raising does them in and you get an enemy for no one reason. I understand perfectly why 18-19 year olds today have no perfect anything of social communication. They have been deprived of opportunity to learn and more and more-people are trying to ruin relationships before they ever occur. This is not some plot from a book but of real life to which I have lived and suffered even before the calamatia in fall 2016. These women are losers. Almost everyone of them is a loser. I mistakenedly included two people who don't belong and put some people on the path of good which they don't belong. But boy o boy, if I say I can then their idealism is that I cannot and they want for my blood. They want to end me. They will go to the lengths of the earth to sow lies and deception in less than privilege people in a time that most of these people become your enemies.

Christians have this thing where they try to save people and if true; I failed at even saving these women and eventually it dawned upon me that it was just best to never associate and thus the women of the community college would never be used and thus never be poisoned self gratitious idealisms that don't work out in reality but seem nice in the head. I lost so many people in this way out of pure ignorance it could be possible and also because a person was not a speaker. Oh, but in time and after calamatia learned to be a speaker. I felt I let these people down when I could have found a way to save them from lies that never helped them. None of these people ever went to a four year university and if they did; it took them till today and then an unforseen tomorrow to get success. This means they definitely did not even succeed at college for all the whispered lies!  People want to be innocent when they are not.

O, I often do not see the people as they truly are and as they come until later upon their actions. I am a slow learner, a romantic and grant people optimism that they do not certainly deserve. For what is to be said is that these people love that their fandom is returned but only to a certain extent. It must stay a fantasy and it must never be real then how will they ever know you? They don't want to. They want to stay ignorant and racist in the most simplistic terms and really suck so hard they have nothing to really offer but hate. Instead of realizing love all they can do out of their coward's bend is to have fear. I never wanted to say it before but literally these people are so racist-the only reason I even was able to get close to them and stay such for so long was because I was racially ambiguous to them which can be understandable but is a trait of being so willfully ignorant and so devoted to hate itself that really; it was a waste of dreams onto people who truly don't exist. People who hate you for your black identity which you would never hasten to change. These assholes acting as if this White Chicks and when they "take the bullet" for even speaking to me are angry that I am, " you were black the whole time". You know how racist that is when a person being intelligent, creative and charming to such a degree that they still not cease thought of my assets until later never of ten years and think of these traits belonging to white people. These people had no black friends not of the female kind or the male kind at all. The only constant presence was me the whole fucking time. Yes, so really these people deserve nothing.

Have been allowed into a world they never belonged. I am not a sexist but there is a point where people are just stealing whatever peace that you have. Seeing what you have and thinking its their holy war to fuck everything up. Never has a woman been accommodating to me and my ability to create. Its worse when you realize many of these cringey people wanted to have sex with you and ultimately so disturbing is the thought of having children with these people who basically hate you so very badly. These children who are part black or all black would just be taught to hate theirselves. In that moment of sure demise a person expressedly wants to tell you that-they realized how wrong the dream was and how bad the access was. They never deserved to be considered. Dirty and nasty people never deserved any space in my mind for any period of time. I would go down to the pond where they ponder satantic art in the current discourse really thinking how there was not one person I truly even liked in the idea of a future with other than Allison and the Victoria girl. She was not the one and in fact is like the leader in this abuse. Mariam; the person who is a person itself-would seem to be a pretend future wife or as if she was copying something that had already happened and really much could never be real but fake. Some other people aren't worth considering as they aren't fucked up people and it just would not be right to include them here. But yes, these people not deserve anything at all. Like would settle for the most audicious rude and evil shit imaginable instead of admitting their feelings or just leaving a person alone but you see why they cannot leave a person alone is for that they are groomed. They are groomed so bad that you cannot unfuck them. They are like Abrahamic people. So fucked up there is no chance of actual good being committed. Christians, Jews and Muslims; there is no way that they aren't fucked up especially what goes on in this country by Christians and Jews and how Muslims treat people when they are radicalized in the same fervor when there are even enough for a radical population. They wish to succeed and thus wish for my downfall but not only my downfall; black people in general and especially those who could never go to college. So, you basically fell for the people who want the extinction of black people and they can pretend all they want its not the case; I know by terrible experience who they truly are and what they are capable of.

Patricia comes six years after 2013 and in the spring.  The could be "future mother" ideals palpable but she just like so many before her wanted to distance herself from the ideal black poverty even when it was me who already had better educational attainment than her so she could not be truly serious but she was. Because she loves the racist fantasy as does they all of that sort. Just another loser who missed the grooming train but wanted to join these fast foot  hellions into hell. Nothing could stop them. Just thinking too quickly about things to which you realize is a farce against you. The sexual objection is just disgusting when you realize that they just so desperate want to be white when they are too tan to even be considered it and thus really much are but a self hating fool plus a dumbass who basically never succeeded at getting any form of college education but acting as if a nurse without a license out of nepotism. Do you not know how serious that violation is? For a person to pretend to be a nurse without the practice? Lol. The sad thing is that I saw alot of myself in her. The ability to be somewhat haphazard about nature of the body needing to take a bath after exercise. The ability to somewhat be incidentally late for class when that time was used for last minute studying. Having heavy ambitions despite a lack of opportunity or a background of it. But what will never be in me is the white superiority complex. The thinking I am better than somewhat everyone else. Trying for the most racist ideas to make one's special and delving into the Abrahamic to do so. I never was like that. In fact came to despise the person so much and after a repeated beating of so many women all just the same minus them being like me-I could not utter a single anything despite higher academic standing. Despite the higher academic standing and experience she like all those people before tried to make herself bigger than me. There was no point. Fuck that person I really said. I found myself at that same pondering mess of mind but murmuring. This dude looked on from another table in sadness and eventually realizing the truth of the matter- I left. What did I realize? The ego of these women is too evil. Its not healthy and nor is it good. Ultimately these women love to think they are men. Feminism is good but at certain period of time you realize they don't want to be with you but they want to be you.

Ah, Allison, really there is nothing wrong with a woman being gay but I would say that she is like a toxic man to women. Hmm, there is a reason that Lauren who was her best friend you could assume by how they would always be together; was exactly the pure fucking opposite of what you would expect looking them up ten years later. No, seemingly there was some sort of betrayal and Lauren being bisexual and Allison most likely out of closet gay or bisexual with a woman of their sorority they were constantly pictured together with-you can say that really some people take feminism and just don't learn anything and go dogshit wild treating women any kind of way. This is to say that perhaps all that time Allison never really liked me but as a dude who seems to attract women. Maybe she did but bruh; these women want to become me and have my life of creativity if not envious of it. Katherine one time sat neareth me and as this guy asked me what I was doing she tried to help support me but thinking back it was just a self affirmation and she really was saying it for her own fight inside ironically seeing me as a kid for drawing still as the dude. These women seek the courage to live life how they want but ultimately have failed to such a degree they turn against me for not saving them from this life. The problem with that is that I was and am the same age as them and whilst apparently most mature to have their own comic study-I was still to uncertain about all the pieces to lead anyone and really much its not my fault. What do you want me to do? What do you expect of me? To do the impossible. A dude at that age could barely even introduce theirselves to them or even speak which many times was a great self struggle but I did it and you know what my prize is scorn and public scorn. At least I don't live as a delusional dreamer for my life thinking these people were good when they were shit. Like bruh, I am glad I am not going to be 50 years old with no answers resolved and stuck in the past forever. No, my battle was to fight that true and true even when injured I reached out and only Mariam and the most crazy zealot would even respond. Others think this is a game.

I remember a time I tried to in guy speak seal the deal with Katherine and went to go study with her. I did this two times before I never did it again. Like bruh, I was really trying to make us a fucking thing but bruh in real life this homegirl is like a self racist and never would want to be with a black person aka like speaking to her in that lab was like the most arduous thing ever like for real. This is like how you push the fake nice buttons of a racist but extending the curiosity of them to keep their true nature from showing. Like homegirl literally had to know what a person was in there to do but lowkey just was angry at me and I thought then it was because she was trying to study but no; other people could speak to her whilst studying in a studyroom and they would be white and no bad reaction. I guess a person can only find comfort when literally it suites them.  Katherine-racist? Yes, especially when there is a double standard and you just start to drift away and all that effort you put into speaking with her is a just a waste. Who gives a fuck about women waving to you? All these posers waved at me like I was either celebrity or child in their understudy. Lol. I never wanted to recall this after a certain point because it hurt and really quite honestly I was lying if that Katherine was truly supporting me when she was not. Like man, I really know how to pick the freaks. Everyone could be calling this loser racist and sexist things and they be thinking they were the top sundae amongst the white people . Things could have been different; it could have just been us and no people calling her racist things but whatever-if a person is a little kid then I guess they are too small to date or be anything.

Often my voice was dismissed for white and privileged voices and really much these people try to shut me up on my own site. Like bruh, what the fuck are they going to do? An expose site on me? What did I do to them? Lol. I did nothing. I have everything to write upon them and they think this is a game. Finding myself after walking away from Patricia realizing that my youth was wasted in a war no one should have to be fighting. You think a person should have to fight for control or perception in their dating life from two forces. The outsiders wanting it all to fail instead of leaving people alone. The women going along with these outsiders who basically are just apart of the same appeal of an university continuing a religion of faith. The belief in me was so weak I don't even know why you even gave a fuck in the first place to just turn on a person. But its because this society rewards hatred towards people who aren't white, lol these weak willed people would toss their fandom for you away. Yesterday's news but no; the could be of future family is something people clearly are haunted by but they missed their chance. I cannot imagine a life with them now. There is nothing. You had the opportunity to build memories but that is too late. You picked your side. Put me through great harm and made me fear for my life and my future.

People of this site should know that basically you could have just lost everything. The site would have ended if these people had succeeded that day in their murder plot. No Kyeombi. No life. The whole thing ends. Nothing get accomplished and just mundane and boring shit. Realize that a person had to survive these people. When I tell you they almost killed me, believe it that they did and once upon a time it was all dreams and could be's but now its all just hate and ugliness. With Patricia, the last spark of anything could change and that you would get the girl-you realize that the evil has won and that these people can no longer be saved and like fallen angels in your eyes will forever haunt you. I would say now that they aren't angels. I am always a dude  who knows how to appreciate certain imperfection but these people aren't worth it. There are better looking people who behave better too. Maybe learning to accept "casual fans is bad" and you should always never lower your standards when you can aim for the most attractive people is what the experience says but I never did anything in malice. Truly by how immature all those people were; I could have done things to expose people's behaviors and just explode everything but I never did for I am not insane.

Things could have been different but what bugged me is how much this nonsense deprived Patricia of even being a human being but a lesser than who came after. I may have preached this idea because it is true in the sense of her actions but all that time she was groomed degraded as a human being thinking she was going to be raised up for her actions and ultimately no; these women don't have the power to admit you into an university. Lol, but that is what she thought to which in actuality she was degraded of her humanity but by people who saw her a hispanic woman lesser than anything. I decided that I could not just let things be. Things had to be unfucked but no; known that you cannot unfuck a woman.