The guilt is extreme.

Bare with me as it is challenging to write the following. You may have thought things just got this bad just overnight but no, nothing works like that. It is to be said that the enemies of mine that are enemies if you knew what they were doing were probably broken from the start but you did not know that. How could you? Past vs Future series will examine the individuals and well I said I would not speak about all the different women but only those that truly matter. I don't have time to explain things to people who don't grasp simple concepts of respect, dignity and form. I am beyond the pomp and circumstance of the grave indignity of these individuals. Most of the time it just did not work out because people's loyalities where elsewhere and it just was not going to work out because these people are racist. You think I am going to sleep in a bed with a racist? I really could not even imagine sleeping with a woman then and I definitely could not do it now.

What I wanted in the past was something very special to any human. Someone to support them in their goals. A woman around my age had the opportunity to do that and do so much more as in being open. Realizing I am a human who is not to be feared. That I could add into their life. In their case, I would argue make them have an actual fucking life because let's be honest-these people don't have any lives. They don't.  My pain is their happiness. That is what it is. They take good care to try to avoid the truth that they are in the wrong. They had the opportunity but now that is over with. I don't want to be bothered by their level of indignity and their claim to fame of life is what?! Being an asshole. Strictly, not everyone wants to be satan's daughter. Strictly no one wants to believe the evil drivel of people who refuse to acknowledge the worth of art and ultimately project that they rather level a life devoid of dreams. Try to force this is moral and this is what education is for. Fuck you. You are the true reason society will crumble and no one else because people like you make education a literal laughingstock. Everything is about you and nothing about learning or making society better. What the fuck has any of them done that is even important or will be remembered by people who live in society? You think anyone is going to say "hey, you helped turn the tide in history by just be status quo racist who literally did nothing with their lives but convince theirselves in lies they did something". 

Those poor black people that you mock do so much more than can ever be historically measured by just continuing to live and have families where people ultimately go onto do education right and use school for advancement in different things and not self advancement. You already display an inability to cherish anyone but yourself on how poorly and badly treated a dude has been and want to lie that if the situation was not the same-your current whatever would not be the such. No, you need to abuse one to get with one so that no one sees who you truly are but a good damn monster. You think you can foster a good home for any children when you basically are devoid of dreams? The kid will eventually come to a point of " what is the point?" Your children won't be college grads. Your children won't be anything because you are a bad person. Neglect started so early way before they were borne and will continue after. The least of your worries will be the loving home so many black people have and will still have after you complete your story but you have it. You will never be able to bring about anything but doom. When you child wants to make anything you won't help, you won't build and you won't do anything at all but be a shit parent. You will never be hands on. You always want some easy robotic way forward but there is none past the cheating and scheming in college. You may exist with impunity in college. But in real life it all is droned away.

No one should have to continue to study whilst doing a job just to stay there. Its like a pretender's game like that movie El Dorado where people basically are just fucking pretending to be the Gods to the people but aren't and just are lucky they are good and no one takes offense in the end. In real life when you are a bastard who just cheated eventually people will find out. Your luck will run dry. Your credibility destroyed and no will hire you. This is the truth. Let's hope you fill all those fucking holes in leaky brain or wait; you never even really studied so yea maybe let's hope you get some good advice from mentors instead. Getting into it really the future ain't bright for you. You whose value in life comes from bullshit-the As that you did not deserve. You coward could not even feign the courage to fail once or twice to even succeed. You don't deserve success. Many times you will come across a challenge in life that for all your safeisms of going to college for this and that so you have money won't save you from things that happen in life. Maybe if you hardly understand the basics; you will go nowhere in life when you need to do the complex and in your youth is where you understand the basics but none of you people do. You don't understand what it is to work for a dream. Some people may be confused what ever happened in life when you coast on everything but what you work for and that is what you deserve in the end. To be set up for a great failure. I am not going to like follow your life until you are 50 or whatever when the shutters draw in. When your children are rebellious/against you and when nothing motivates you and that maybe when 50 years old that the whole AP A's thing is not enough to even drag out way longer than what it ever needs to be. 

I know there are alot of cowards out there who want to tell me what my story is and how its going to be. But really who gives a fuck about nonsense people who don't know you spout. Nothing I said beforehand was wrong. Cheaters don't make it in the longrun ultimately. Try to cheat your faith, I dare you. Try it and you shall see that really you cannot undo the past and your sins are two much to ever be forgiven despite whatever gibberish religion would spout. You already are evil and you might as well just commit to it. Abuse your future children just as you did me and that is going to make you such an ally to a group of people who think they are better than everyone else. Its going to make you smart and it going to make you raise your gpa and then that engineering/doctor job is going to bring you money and then you are going to be so happy but you won't be. Money does not buy everything.  You  people insult a dude saying their future is not bright; I already know that its not for you. Even if you never get caught, your children don't hate you  and you are doing good in the world realize that you will always regret what you did. You will regret that you did not even live a life where you had to challenge yourself truly. Good luck. You don't know shit about anything. You don't even remember who you were ten years ago and you definitely won't remember going further into the future. That is your life. You cannot even remember great clarity ten years ago and that's stupid for like a young person. You must have fucked so much up that you placate yourself by make believing you did not do it. Whatever you did it truly messed up your life because the guilt is extreme.