Brutal Cold War Arriba.

There be something about women before that fall 2016 and afterwards and even in the start of fall 2013 and those from highschool and those who need never apply anywhere of schooling but surely had my eye and had their eye on me. It was mutual. Some of these people stayed good intentioned and mutual and others just subverted everything. It was a net of people who were in ideal and logic support but you realized that they weren't all and most where a hell of toxic. A poison. Deeply, I write here to tell you as a cautionary tale of what to never be looking for because when it find you; it crazy and it not the sexy kind. Not the kind you see in an anime. It be the kind that you find in the back alley and they be for the streets but not in the saucy way but the sheer violent way. The sheer violent way they think black men are about. The sheer violent way media portrays black men. I come to you today to just tell you some black people have this little unresponsible idealism of "our race" and everyone is united are really no different that some fucking white people in some hick town who secretly and secretly so forth wear white hoods. They want to endear this fantasy that people of color and white people are so different creatures but really much no; we are all the same species yet some people want to act as if black people must date black people and thus there must be rules to govern what a black person can or cannot do. Its just the same foolishness white people do; the racist ones who wear them hoods. Bid me my country accent is not for a joke but for a point. Its a mentality that is a sickness and really so unproductive as this ultimately just alienates people, waste time and resources that black people really don't have unlike white people and as being people with so many people of different mentalities and not this "Terry Crew's Black KKK" idealism- people just get fucked over wasting their time on bullshit. Living lives hindered by this false identity of what black people even are which is a cage that even prevents their humanity. I be it to say that blackness is an inherently human idealism that is only understood by humans. No leaf gives a fuck about race. Ergo; the whole idealism of blackness does not even really exist only if you want to be and only if you want to be held back by history which really for the greater part of things will never impact your life. Its good to understand the impact of racism and how it deprives but that is not a character trait and that is not humanity. Its but a failure to be courageous to even be a person. I find enough that people can call some black people white just because they don't behave the way they have infringed that black people must act in a way to dehumanize them. Openly this is what many people me included find out what some black people think of them for even daring to succeed in school or even be people with interests that kept people which many are decide black people cannot be behind. You have to wait till a celebrity does it for it to be okay for black people to do it? You are just a chump ass bitch who is just too much a coward to live their life.

Now, some people just take this whole inner whiteness mambo to the heart and to the extreme. It would not be a reach to say that modern black people at least in America are part white. There is a reason people aren't called Africans anymore. But why, am I bringing this up-its to be said some people just let the hurt that comes upon them from black people who call them too white; to become their character and effectively they never grow as a person but become destined to live a life always trying to smirk and get back at these people even when it does not help them at all. I am being honest about real life because what I will write about Arriba is just to explain real life things that often get swept up and people just normalize to never speak about it.

There is no one true definition of a black person. Nope. I just explained to you a spectrum of people in the so called black community. Its really not a community as I really get no community benefits, no one who is atheist is does and since forever all the young are condemned as being problematic instead of facing threats that their elders created and let happen. I got to tell you in this world its never just black and white as this spectrum; these three groups-the "Black KKK", the people who are moderates just trying to be people and the people so afflicted by the Black KKK they turn their backs on all black people have just so much other groups inside them. I want to tell you that which could I be considered simply a moderate; a person who is not a fool who believes there is a definition of "blackness" nor is a person who makes it their life effort to transcend and be just like a white racist. Ultimately we can say that I was bullied for ever studying in school and mostly enough lived as a complete social outcast. This is to say that Arriba basically is one person who is on the edge of moderate and tends towards the side that tends to be republican.  What does this gather for you in the future writings here? A great thing of how as a black person you can never win especially when the girl you like just really much wants to find ever excuse to lable you as the Black KKK and really much you can never be the republican type.

I am going to say that never is it easy to date black women as a black man or black boy for this great drama. You can never be Black KKK enough or at all for some people and really much in my personal opinion; why would anyone associate with people who do things that are wrong and really much no different from actual KKK idealisms of racial purity. You can just be distanced from moderates who just hate you just because they can and from moderates who really want to pursue to be either Black KKK or republican lending. Surely you have the least chance of ever finding someone who is a moderate and actually will give you any respect as a person not looking down on you. I ultimately am to say that you surely cannot date a Black Republican type not even being the such. With this overarching nonsense that people like to placate in black medium that you must marry the same race or that idea is necessary for future advancement; the reality you face is one of little to no fucks given to your actual humanity not being a race but being a fucking person. I think when you have this idealism you can see why nothing ever gets done in a "black community" because in reality everyone is against each other. Only few people can find happiness in this racial pure ideals and well they were just the ones who would pick on people in school about being too white just because they studied or some other shit.

Getting to the real essence of things. I often found myself pondering stuff like this in the history class I shared with Arriba. Now, Arriba is not her given name and really I just named her that her for the sake of protecting an identity even though other people would not. Its a common little name that is so common; no one could know who they actually are and really much only those with the inner know how would know them. I try to prevent people from using information I reveal here for their own personal gambits but I am to say that this girl Arriba was a snake. Just like the republican type of black people. She just was such a good girl for that idealism and really much would use anything and everything to reach power if it suited her. I am to cut to the chase to say that I wondered if she was my "chosen black individual partner". She was attractive but really much I am to say that foremost a person just realized why should they even be with them when ultimately they would just be the type to just go for some white dude and write you off because of your race. Later on at the start of the history lab's whole begin I made the whole mistake of beatboxing in front of this girl and this person just ignored me on her new phone as I said hello. I later found myself seated behind her and really much she just gave me this look of interest but also of hate. This would be the first time I would see this girl do show interest and it would not be the last. This also gave me insight to what I would later see. People having feelings but really never wanting to give you a chance. Or giving you a chance simply because you seem to be their type of republican loving people.

When I paused just there, I did sigh and my chair squeaked and yes its a gamer chair and really much damn my memories just flooded in me and what can I say about them. I just really do miss the person that Arriba was or seemed to be those days in that first year of college. I was just busy doing stuff, I was too young to realize the opportunity to even get to know her and really much never again would Arriba ever associate with me because I was just found in her eyes to be the lowest of the low; the black person of the "Black KKK". But I was not but never did I get to express this. It is not in my nature to be pushy and yes regardless of whether I want to realize it or not; all those missed opportunities were good things because Arriba was not to be a good person.

I'd like to say that I think I got to Arriba throw my charm working on assignments with her in that history lab and that tsundere mode of hers would translate to the dorms were I would see her. One time I did see her and talked to her but I should have followed her up or asked to eat with her because that was my one and last time to make an impact before the crowd dissent of a place would condemn me and the workings of black blasphemy race idealisms would murder my character. I think that I fell for this person. I would later see her around the dorms but this would be were my father just ruined those opportunities for me to ever get to know her.

I already knew what she was but really much I thought she could grow past these ideals but I guess if you join a sorority that you cannot. That really much if associate with these type of people who largely are anti-black then damn; I really dunno what to tell you. When I left that college no good faith in me remained in her but scorn, fear and vengence that I had ever soiled her presence. Like can I say that I would be still dreaming of this woman for years. In difficult times in early 2015 and the summer 2015 and every little bitch moment in 2016; maybe a person would think of them but everything is to be said they trusted the vote of the people. The vote of the people of an university and its culture and then the inherent black grace of black society at large. I think to say that Arriba and Venna are friends and both had a thing for me. Do you ever think I did it with them both? No, damn no-because the tribe was spoken on my behalf. If it was spoken for Venna once by the vote of the people of the university it was condemned a second type in the soul of black women praying to their black conscious of beliefs. I mean that literally people just will make anything they want to believe and well when you aren't around and people get to speaking; they decide that you are just trash to never be bother with especially when they are always on the up and up wanting to become the republican type of people. I namely am to say maybe that dude Rence should shut the fuck about people making comics about them banging two girls they like when that is not ever what they were doing yet that is just me. Maybe I should protect this man's name by calling him Rat because surely that dude read this site in summer 2016's end and literally not long after I was conveniently ambushed and he would as well never leave the fuck alone in fall 2019 reporting this site's facebook page.

I got to tell you that a ramble is not what this is but to set up how toxic things actually were. You got a friend you trusted just speaking bullshit about you to people whom you made the effort to get to know effectively ruining everything you worked for instead of helping you. You see it does not matter what you know about race or this and that but really much people love to just throw and pelt stones at black people to this day anyway they can unless they fulfill some violent stereotype or stupid one at that like their friend Andy I will call him. Always if you ever see someone who claims to be woke or with the people just check who their black friends are; racists? No; but fucking idiots who defame theirselves and allow others to defame them. Its to be said things get very vicious when you let rats go unchecked and let them kneed and nod at all the fucking connections you make which might as well be made of rope. I am to say that greatly; the culture of a college Arriba went to was just nasty and I knew when this person appeared again in some really unwanted format what they were going for. Chasing me as if a bounty just for their own personal acclaim or to "reclaim their character" and what the fuck I did? Say hello to them as they ran back to their room after getting food? Is that a crime against god? No; its just the overt nasty getting to them and just their already inherent need to categorize people too acting out in aggression so nasty that it gave me whiplash.

The great thing I can say of my social situations in a place that makes it a Brutal Cold War is that you think at first its all a joke when people turn on you and then they attack you and then you try to make peace and then they attack you and then you try to make peace over and over again that you are basically stuck in a unwanted relationship with a racist ideally who is abusing you. Who is abusing you whilst sleeping with another dude who is their boyfriend. I am to say that nothing ended well with Arriba. Nothing went right. It only increased in its hellish nature in time and in the propaganda sprung against you but since Arriba is black and the category nonsense rings; you get it twice. There is a great reason a person will never date a black woman and it is because of this woman called Arriba and so many people who never realize the great indifference and wrong they do to black people in general by just being basically self hating bastards. Ironically never realize this with their black lives matter bullshit or their natural hairstyle movement and really much are just cowards who cannot ever see people as they are but in a way that just gives them comfort to hate other black people essentially and think it achieves anything. I would say that a person relapsing into the arms of what seems to be love and support can quickly become the arms of hate and deceit and backstabbing that you often realize that you must break the cycle or be slowly and surely be driven insane. Over the years of dealing with Arriba and others like her; a dude has realized that I was done a favor being blocked all those years ago. I miss only the potential of what could have been in those first years or first year rather but never did I have the power, the capability or even the mind to get a person to change. People believe what they want to believe.

I like to say that when I tried to help out this girl I liked later in 2019 with her drawings and such that really much they rather believe what they wanted to believe in the end. Cherrypicked my advice and recommendations and demonized me and my guidance persay if not experience so it could just be about them and me as a belittled bastard. Often enough whilst this person was not black; I was just belittled as someone's bitch especially as they mocked my works and often enough this is just the shit I experience primarily and always at the hands of black women to the degree that a person just does not want to be bothered with such people. The female version of what I am as a black man will never want me. No one else of any other degree will either and yes most people just hate the ideal of you having any sort of life outside the black identity crisis covered within and just seek to belittle you if you are not tall, not muscular, do art and wear glasses. I would not say people are idiots but they want to believe what they want to believe and in the end that is where they lose. Its none of my business then really and always a person will find theirselves just there and really much be alone and ostracized by this really made concept world of black people this and black people that and black people hat. I got to say that this abuse of belittling a person by whom they seem to be is just so commonplace in real black people of all types it matters never there is any movement because things are so fucked up they could never be repaired. Never.

Just like me and Arriba in that idealism that grew from the rabble and became something for a moment and just flickered out by the trouble of it all. The pressures of the outside and the inner pressures and really much the overt corruption of Arriba really as no one made her believe the nonsense about another but herself. She decided who she would be and I decided I would not be with her in the end. Just so so many good things could have been but never where and that be how it is in the Brutal Cold War.