Would it had been so wrong to be my woman ?

 I ask myself, "Would it be so wrong for any of these women to be my woman?" Rather, that's the question they should ask themselves. "Would it be so wrong to be my woman?" The answer is that, ultimately, no, you lost the privilege to even think like that.

When you have people who think that you are gay simply because you don't do these really fake Black culture things, these really stereotypical things, and think that they are doing something with your life, ultimately, you just need to stop. You're a sad piece of shit, a person who has no substance, no mind, and cannot even be an original person, a completely fake person. Had I been of the person, the temperament to control a woman, you don't understand that they would be completely full of supporting me because I'm the person who basically has dominated them. I don't know if you can use "groom" when a person is your peer, but no, I did not dominate these women. Yet they seem to think that because I did not dominate them, somehow a dude is gay, that a dude did not take these nasty-ass opportunities to turn them into people who just have sex with a dude. It's disgusting for you to assume that and not to understand morals, not to understand a person. A person's true intent was not to sleep with a woman but to live with a woman, not multiple women. Maybe, maybe, perhaps, and perchance too, but only that limit alone, not 28, not 56, not 100, not 200. Yet people think that they have some right to say some crazy-ass shit. For years you have been allowed to say it, but ultimately you just don't understand what you were missing out on. When you just couldn't be social, you couldn't do things, and you ultimately acted as if it would be such a bad thing if you were to be able to do. Just making up bullshit, making up lies. Well, you don't even know who a dude is. You don't even remember how I look or even know who I am. It's like you have gone senile, out of racism, out of fear and regret. Yet you think that you would actually know what it would have been like to be with me. From just your mind, your mind's imagination is hilarious. It's hilarious. You don't know shit. You couldn't have known. There are so many different things that you could have done to actually not fall into the situation you were in, like ultimately realizing a person for who they are, communicating your feelings, communicating things instead of whatever the fuck this is. Even if you couldn't even commit to even being with a Black person, maybe it would be better to just say that instead and tell and do that instead of doing whatever the fuck this is for so long, 13 years. I don't think people understand that they won't always be alive, that everyone and their peers will never always be alive. Ultimately, you're wasting your time. You wasted your time.

Like the opportunity to actually have a family with them just starts to go out the door when a person approaches 40 years old.

Ultimately, I'm just trying to tell you there's no way in hell anyone will marry your bitches. No one's marrying you. You ruined that arc. There was an arc that could have been happening. You could have been an artistic muse. You could have been a woman who essentially watched TV with dude. You could have done so many different things:

• You could have jogged with dude.

• You could have run with dude.

• You could have eaten with dude.

But all you settled upon was mediocrity. You could never communicate your point. You could not have done it. You could not have done it in any great form or fashion because you are a coward. You are a coward.

Coward, that is what you must accept. Let's just go back to what you would actually do in a day.

From what I know of you, the previous night, you would stay up late watching a movie. After studying, you would go back to your room. Who knows what you did? Probably take a shower and go to sleep. Wake up for your classes, realizing that besides you is some dude you slept with or some dude that is your boyfriend. Maybe you wake up alone and dream of being with someone, or maybe you don't and think that the world is your oyster and that college is the greatest opportunity to meet the people that would be in your forever adult life.

Then you go to class with some zeal of privilege that you live in the dorms and that you don't have to drive there and have this big controversy. Maybe you ate, then ate some breakfast at the cheap, the worst one, the worst diner of them all. Maybe you did that. Ultimately, I did many different things that day, but yet you are probably just waiting to get back to the dorm to do whatever the fuck you actually wanted to do.

Everything was kind of haphazardly just a token interest in being in school, just so you could go back to the dorm after all. That's pretty much something that's normal, but ultimately you kind of let it get to your end. You kind of, kind of are like missing for most of the day because you have to go to class and sometimes entertain a boyfriend or a dude that's your friend, if I can do it.

You know what "choose" means in Spanish? "Escoge." You know what "escoge un escudo" is? You choose an obstacle in the same way, in the same fucking way that literally a person chooses what to wear for the day. Like an escort, you literally pawn yourself out for this and that opportunity, this and that dude. All in the sake of reaching some agenda, some old Indian bitch set out for you because you have some type of parasocial contract with her. Like you're a legit, like some legitimate organization that can practice eugenics.

When you see me just living a normalcy, just being out there, you must think to yourself, "No, that's not what he could be doing. He must be one of us." But at the end of the day, was that the truth? When we watch movies together, in the end, the answer is no. A dude was never one of you, could never be one of you, and would ultimately never be one of you.

I don't know. I think that if I could go back again and try this again, I can make it detailed enough that it could be possible to be your whole mental scene throughout the day. You know, you know what I think of my day? My days in that place? A big slew of misadventure, all in the yonder of the Texas scene. You didn't know that, but ultimately so many women don't like me that ultimately a person writes it off as being funny at the end of the day. I would say beans because ultimately that's the absurdity of this place. Beans. No one understood because why could you understand? That's the whole point.

You know what "fruitless" means in Spanish? "Infructuoso." Fruitless. It was so fruitless to think that you could actually have empathy or give a fuck. When people don't have empathy toward a person they seek to be in a relationship with, that's bad. That's bad, man! That's so bad.

You know how to lie? What's one way to say "lie" in Spanish? The verb. "Mentir." Yes, sir? You had so many opportunities there in that place that you kind of just let it go to your head that you had some freedom from your parents, but yet you are kind of still shackled and bound by your parents. You are not completely going a certain path away from what they were likely to be, regardless of their race, a white racist, white conformist, to net Christian nationalism and many fucking shitty things.

You conform too much to the football scene as you just tokenly ask, "Is it a football game?" just so that you probably could be panged out by a Doherty. That may sound sexist, but in the context of who you are, it's not really sexist. You look for opportunities to be abused, to be taken advantage of, and ultimately say to me that I am gay simply because I do not want to take advantage of you. What type of sense does that make? You make no sense but only that you. I think that literally a woman would be like, "Oh, we have so much opportunity, but we're gonna go the worst token, white-appeasing way or power-appeasing way and see if we're happy at the end of the deal." How could you be happy? How could you be happy, my friend? You could never be happy. You want a happy, happy happiness. You want a Happy Meal with that?

The answer is, ultimately, the great thing is that literally you conclude your daydreaming of something, something with a dude, maybe, is more than what you were on about. Maybe it's something else. Maybe it's a complete erasure of following anything at all. Maybe it's a complete unity with the truer self, maybe or maybe not, but ultimately you made your decision to just be taken advantage of. There's no other word to say it.

You don't win when you have such drama about having a child, such drama about having a child that you have these postpartum kids. You post about it online. I don't think that's a symptom of actually being in a productive marriage, right? Maybe sometimes you have to realize you didn't need to have children. Maybe you're just a woman who likes to have sex with different men and that you don't need to be married. Maybe even raising children isn't for you in the first place. Just because your society says that's the most rewarding thing, no. Especially when that child must grow up and realize who or what their mother truly is. That may not be nice, but at the end of the day, you have a legacy to think about. A legacy that is affirmed to whiteness, a legacy that is affirmed to racism. A legacy that is not good.

You may try to paint it over with some new coat of paint, but at the end of the day you can't change what you have done. The people you have harmed, especially me, the dude. You can't come back! You can't come back and say you're some type of woman's advocate after you basically don't treat yourself with any great clarity to even set a good example. You're so fake that you couldn't be true to anything. This job of yours is just a pretense to get attention, to actually make a difference when you don't care about making a difference. The only thing you want to do is have sex and have fun. There's actually a profession that you can actually go into for that. You could have just been a porn star. You didn't need a college education. That may sound bad, but at the end of the day, when you sleep with so many men, you might as well have done that. You might as well have done that. You might as well still do that! People can see it and people can see it and people can get off to it. You'd be doing the world a favor being who the fuck your bitch ass actually is. For you, going to school was just a means of self-expression: to play nice, to wave at people like they're your bitch, and then sleep with all the dudes and make them truly your bitch.

Ultimately, at the end of the day, there's only one shuck who stands by it all, some dumb fuck who stood by you since seventh grade, 2007. You ultimately find yourself kind of succumbing to the rapture of playing people, playing games, playing names. Ultimately, you lose yourself in it, realizing that it's just a means to the end. You don't even see them as people anymore, just a means to an end of pleasure.

At the end of the day, you are rewarded for it by a system that ignores how unjust the people they want to appease aren't at all, but would not appreciate someone doing what they do best. I mean, this is the one person I'm gonna ask a question, question on you. Would it have been so bad for you to be my woman? The answer is yes because ultimately you couldn't control yourself. You can't control yourself. You'll never be able to control yourself, and the ultimate thing is that your lifestyle is just so fake. When you go on your way to pretend you're doing something you aren't and ultimately it's just so stupid. By the end of the day, you people have led a situation that should have been just between the two of you to become something that crazy old people try to interject in. People try to play their politics in it. Who the fuck would actually want to be with a person who is retarded, who is, for all intents and purposes, mentally ill, and a child? Fucking useless. Fucking useless!

You want sexual liberation and yet you let an old Indian bitch control you. You let this, this, and that person control you. You're so stupid. You're so stupid. You don't have anything to be affirmed about, that you're some feminist. You have no life. You have no liberty. Everything's fake. You pretend to be something you truly are and ultimately ask yourself: would it be so wrong to be my woman over the dictates of people thinking they know you? Over the dictates of people thinking they can control you? Over the dictates of people trying to interject and say that you are this and that?

Ultimately, you let this happen to yourself by letting people get inside of you, letting people control your behind so that nothing could ever happen. You are 1984'd and you cannot get with the dude you're supposed to be with because of society. You know what that book was about? The effects of surveillance and what it does to relationships. Ultimately, when you were overtly surveilled and you were overly controlled, you just buckled and you fell in line. You buckled and fell in line. You're a nobody. You're a person who's a bitch. You're a bitch to a bitch. You literally let some old Indian lady pimp you out like you're a prostitute to different dudes simply because you couldn't talk to the real people you actually like. Now you're stuck with the person you don't actually like, having postpartum fits because they are severe, I believe, and you post about it. Ultimately, who the fuck is supposed to give a fuck about that? Who the fuck cares?

There was so much opportunity, saying it was me. That was the one for you, but whatever it was, whatever it is, whatever you have now is definitely not for you and you were screwed over. You were fucked over. It was only four short years, my friends, and you come with this selfish mindset that it worked out for everyone. It worked out for most people. Most of the people you went to school with never got the green. Most people on that dorm, she woke up on those days, didn't get degrees. Why didn't they know when to quit the dream that you were going to graduate in four years, especially with how things are? You weren't going to graduate in four years. It'd be stupid to assume that you could have when you're not the same as the people who could graduate in four years with engineering and civil engineering design or whatever the fuck people of prestige and power assume it's the art of best degrees. When you've got to consider how badly some people have been fucked over. They never got college degrees and they still think that they're entitled to this "the door is open for you and life" stuff, which ain't true.

When you follow after an evil old bitch, you have to realize they are stupid. You stupid! You think that's your elite, that's your some top portion of top society? Well, no one even knows who the fuck you are. No one even knows who the fuck you are and no one ever will know who the fuck you are. You're nobody! You're nobody!

It would've been so much better, so much better, if you just had said to yourself, "If I keep on doing these things, I'm gonna be a nobody." Then maybe you would actually be something. You know? But you're so stupid that never occurred to you. That never occurred to you. I shouldn't be doing these shitty things.

Ultimately, you don't have that early Fall 2013 "life is open." You have ruined your life. You don't even have anything open when your mind is even seen out. You have gone senile so badly that no one can even help you out. For many things, don't you remember what my face looks like? Don't remember anything about me. Don't even know anything about me, even in the past. Everything is just a blur: just what people have told you and what you have been groomed to believe, just like most people are groomed to believe in America that never existed. Am I right? Quite honestly, the most stupid shit you could be about, you are about. Maybe when a partner has failed to preserve that same intrigue you started college with, to continue with that, maybe that's the wrong partner for you. You don't have a life to continue with anybody. All you have is an obligation to some child that you truly don't even give a fuck about. Oh God, some job that you can't even do well, that you must lean on other people to get the shit done because you actually didn't learn much when you were in school to actually be a person who can actually do the job well, so you basically suck. You basically suck at everything. You suck so badly that you literally don't have a life to even be considering. For whatever you were supposed to be at the end of that college experience, you never became it. That full potential will never be you. I'm not claiming that me is your full potential, but surely enough it's probably better than whatever arranged marriage bullshit you got going on there. It's basically what you got going on in arranged marriage. You let some old crazy bitch, or I should say, associates do that to you. Ultimately, you're deep down inside, you know that's true. That's why you keep on acting out.

It would have been better if you had just been a dude's woman at some period of time and then, no, really, figure out what you actually wanted. It would have been better instead of the constant harassing, the pretending, the arrogance, the stupidity, the racism, the incessant need to fuck a dude while hating a dude. The need to engage with the woman of a dude. The question is, would it have been so wrong to be my woman? The answer is no. It wouldn't have been, but ultimately the answer is no. It wouldn't have been. You just couldn't give yourself a try, a chance, and you suck because of that. If I was the person who could have won against everything, every adversity that you may deny or disbelieve or do whatever the fuck you do because you're a terrible person, you would still have those same opportunities to be a person. To explore different things and still have that same door of opportunity. Instead you would be shackled, defined by marriage, Christianity, or some other bullshit. No you'll still be free but yet I don't think you ever will get that. I don't think you'll ever get that in your life.

Marrying a dude who is basically a little kid, who basically has the temperament and mentality of a man, a little entitled kid, and is so unlivable and so spoiled, ultimately you will never be prioritized. You will never be taken care of. You'll only be shipped out somewhere when it becomes too inconvenient and divorced.