Somber.
Everyday of wishful thinking, you would be my friend and we would be friends and nothing more, was an annoying aspect of being around you. You helped drag me through the mud and then you laughed after you were done telling your lie. I just wanted to talk, but you try to invalidate my friendship ambition. I was thinking of someone else when bothered with you and your false friendship and your dismal of me everytime I went out of my way to see and to talk to you.
I was thinking how badly I wanted to protect them from my personal issues, but then here, I was speaking them on the net to a total stranger, a stranger, I realized quickly I did not like.
Did everything to avoid me in public and I did not one thing wrong. To be somber is to be in the ballad of finding yourself a friend and thinking you can trust this friend, but they are not a friend, just a person opposite of who you want to be wasting your time with.
Blue and then even bluer and then a blue next to black is what this somber brings.
But when the snake says after an uneventful time together, " I don't want to see you again".
I don't want to see you again. You wasted my time, made me to be some person I am not by hyperrending every attempt to be nice as some attempt against your character. As if threatening you.
But enough, as I worked on this project I was working on, a friend was all I wished for, But what I was hit with, was nonsense and hatred and just grief and a waste of time in which I could have put into the projects. Being friends with this individual did not one thing.
All I felt was so fake honesty of happiness I could feel elsewhere in where people treat others well and with understanding. All I could feel was my hunger for a proper social habitat increasing! All I felt was grief every day, I saw you. Something was not right, it was as if there was a grim reaper on you and to be avoided all for the sake of avoiding all harm. But to respect you as a person, I went to physical talk to you. But the diminishing gain of speaking to you to get away in free time from my work, went down to 0, you were not even suitable and sustainable even as a person to speak to. Utterly, I was wasting time speaking to a brick wall.
Then these other people influenced by your banter of being a victim to my kindness smiled through them with rumors and adding more insult and more burden to me in which I did not even need.
It reminded me of all those dramas were the people would break up and terrible consequences would resound. Being so close to the little people of the world, these prime candidates for misknowledge, must have spoken and spoken because the little uneducated brats kept pestering me and these strangers I did not know mocked me in the manner befitting of children. Annoying and honestly brutally, I kept my stance of ignoring this trifle and ignoring these people you had influenced with your lies and your rumors. Like an explosion, these bats just flew into my cave.
You taught me to be truly grateful of all my past acquaintances and friends. After whatever was said by these people and what was said because of another similar but older rumor starter, you left me with no place to rest from these people. They would say this and they would say that, Not even caring to know that they are strangers and really, I wanted not one thing to do with them. Why did these people who I did not even fucking know, bother me. Why did these people in the instance of these women so validated attack a person who they knew nothing about.
You seriously tried to destroy my resting space and vital space to the apotogyme. You rather continue to add insults and bruise more injuries than stop being a bore and infecting everything that was well and calm that I could go to and recollect and gain information from. You attempted to turn the world into some, hellish bend. And make everyone a target for me and everyone aiming at me like a target.
I do not hate you. I do not care about you anyways. You were just a sad prop in my own misery.
I tried to say you were a friend, but that was all a cover up to be saying, that I was treating you nice.
But what I should have said in that graphic design class, is, " shut the fuck up."
Somber does not describe the losses sustained from you and your little highschool mind of trying to inflict damages onto people through rumors and subtlety and these looks of concern. Never once did I consider talking to you, till the last day I could see you.
But in that last day of class, you turned to me and said " we'll see each other again".
" sure," I said, but I had already known even then everything you had said was with horror and with fear and you had gotten yourself involved in something you did not want to be involved in. I thought and thought, perhaps you could be insane, as you could always express your opinions at any time.
And then I realized, such faces were of disgust and I had only responded to your questions and your qualms. And asked small questions and said small things to converse with you in a civil manner. How could someone not realize that something is a matter with such an individual who speaks to another in a manner that is so subjective, " are you even a bug even?" Is what I felt like you were asking me, but I never sink to such levels to ignore a person based off of that. Rather I assessed on the fact, that you were being cruel and thus secretive about something me you did not like, and had such a revulsion that you had to make up lies. That I was some sincere friend. And when faced by the entry of another similar fellow in your eyesight, You confessed to me, " I really do not like him".
As if to say that was me in your eyesight and you did not want to be bothered by me.
With this, I became fearful myself. A person who first sends you a greeting that you accept nicely.
The person sees you as pest despite being nice and answering all their questions and listening to them talk. Next, they seem to send you these homicidal secret tics, that they will act on expressions they make apparent but do not act on them in front of you so directly, but behind your back. And when your eyes are closed. I could play couple to save my life, and I could pretend to be in love to save my life too, because that is how much I value myself and my life. I was very sad, that I once again was attacked by one of these unsocial people, people who could turn out to just one day randomly attack you in the parking lot on the school yard, just because they are uncomfortable that you said hello to them and they did not expect such a humane response from you.
I know the warning signs, and every alarm was sent off. And seeing you around the campus, made me so uneasy about dealing you. I tackled you head on like the bull you are.
And be cautioned, this is were you will get widely and vary very insulted.
I had my own project and own study to work on, and you come all smiles and all friendly as if you had not done anything wrong at all. I wanted to believe I spoke with you that day for being friendly, but insuring that in so random act of recollect you did not act on some homicidal tick. As you revealed so much about your self with all these hidden faces you kept on making. I went further so you would not get inside my work and bother me to the point of killing me, because of something you think is going to happen from conversating with me. But however, I disproved that not one damn thing would happen to me from you speaking to me, except you realizing how much you got yourself into a problem, or so called problem that you did not want to be dealing with. "I don't want to be bothering with you anymore." or " I rather not be bothered with you anymore".
And then when I let you go so nicely, you could not accept that you had such issues with a person who treated you nice and even indulged in being your friend despite knowing the truth about what you thought of them. And that you had been a spoiled child all along and could not let go that they were not the person you thought they were and seemed to make them want to pay, for being so honest and nice. And to force them to become this envisionment of a fiend and a villain. But that was not them. Even no matter how many lies and rumors you spread, you could never get em down, Because they only spoke to you for insurance and lied so much about wanting to be your friend, they believed it to be true. Somberly wasting time. And somberly wasting effort, just so you could not interrupt them in their study and waste all of their time and effort. But I admit, dealing with you more than pissed me off, it made me somber, sad and that if I had to defend against some secret death threat, the world is not a very safe place, especially when having to defend against many of such individuals.
But I correct myself, I was not made thankful of my friends and acquaintances, because I was thankful of them in this struggle I valued my life and took warnings seriously instead of letting things turn up explosive.
Much of this, is not just to say how much of a hard time all this was. It showed me how glad sure, I was that I never took any of these people I encountered very seriously at all, or I would have been very somber, because there were many more gruesome stories of people interrupting in the apotogyme. But through all the abuse and misconceptions people had for an individual to be treating people nicely and studying, seems to be the thing out of fiction in a time, where in certain places, people can just get by with these feigned experiences of friendship and ambition.
Certain places so shielded from the world.
A very somber setting.
I was thinking how badly I wanted to protect them from my personal issues, but then here, I was speaking them on the net to a total stranger, a stranger, I realized quickly I did not like.
Did everything to avoid me in public and I did not one thing wrong. To be somber is to be in the ballad of finding yourself a friend and thinking you can trust this friend, but they are not a friend, just a person opposite of who you want to be wasting your time with.
Blue and then even bluer and then a blue next to black is what this somber brings.
But when the snake says after an uneventful time together, " I don't want to see you again".
I don't want to see you again. You wasted my time, made me to be some person I am not by hyperrending every attempt to be nice as some attempt against your character. As if threatening you.
But enough, as I worked on this project I was working on, a friend was all I wished for, But what I was hit with, was nonsense and hatred and just grief and a waste of time in which I could have put into the projects. Being friends with this individual did not one thing.
All I felt was so fake honesty of happiness I could feel elsewhere in where people treat others well and with understanding. All I could feel was my hunger for a proper social habitat increasing! All I felt was grief every day, I saw you. Something was not right, it was as if there was a grim reaper on you and to be avoided all for the sake of avoiding all harm. But to respect you as a person, I went to physical talk to you. But the diminishing gain of speaking to you to get away in free time from my work, went down to 0, you were not even suitable and sustainable even as a person to speak to. Utterly, I was wasting time speaking to a brick wall.
Then these other people influenced by your banter of being a victim to my kindness smiled through them with rumors and adding more insult and more burden to me in which I did not even need.
It reminded me of all those dramas were the people would break up and terrible consequences would resound. Being so close to the little people of the world, these prime candidates for misknowledge, must have spoken and spoken because the little uneducated brats kept pestering me and these strangers I did not know mocked me in the manner befitting of children. Annoying and honestly brutally, I kept my stance of ignoring this trifle and ignoring these people you had influenced with your lies and your rumors. Like an explosion, these bats just flew into my cave.
You taught me to be truly grateful of all my past acquaintances and friends. After whatever was said by these people and what was said because of another similar but older rumor starter, you left me with no place to rest from these people. They would say this and they would say that, Not even caring to know that they are strangers and really, I wanted not one thing to do with them. Why did these people who I did not even fucking know, bother me. Why did these people in the instance of these women so validated attack a person who they knew nothing about.
You seriously tried to destroy my resting space and vital space to the apotogyme. You rather continue to add insults and bruise more injuries than stop being a bore and infecting everything that was well and calm that I could go to and recollect and gain information from. You attempted to turn the world into some, hellish bend. And make everyone a target for me and everyone aiming at me like a target.
I do not hate you. I do not care about you anyways. You were just a sad prop in my own misery.
I tried to say you were a friend, but that was all a cover up to be saying, that I was treating you nice.
But what I should have said in that graphic design class, is, " shut the fuck up."
Somber does not describe the losses sustained from you and your little highschool mind of trying to inflict damages onto people through rumors and subtlety and these looks of concern. Never once did I consider talking to you, till the last day I could see you.
But in that last day of class, you turned to me and said " we'll see each other again".
" sure," I said, but I had already known even then everything you had said was with horror and with fear and you had gotten yourself involved in something you did not want to be involved in. I thought and thought, perhaps you could be insane, as you could always express your opinions at any time.
And then I realized, such faces were of disgust and I had only responded to your questions and your qualms. And asked small questions and said small things to converse with you in a civil manner. How could someone not realize that something is a matter with such an individual who speaks to another in a manner that is so subjective, " are you even a bug even?" Is what I felt like you were asking me, but I never sink to such levels to ignore a person based off of that. Rather I assessed on the fact, that you were being cruel and thus secretive about something me you did not like, and had such a revulsion that you had to make up lies. That I was some sincere friend. And when faced by the entry of another similar fellow in your eyesight, You confessed to me, " I really do not like him".
As if to say that was me in your eyesight and you did not want to be bothered by me.
With this, I became fearful myself. A person who first sends you a greeting that you accept nicely.
The person sees you as pest despite being nice and answering all their questions and listening to them talk. Next, they seem to send you these homicidal secret tics, that they will act on expressions they make apparent but do not act on them in front of you so directly, but behind your back. And when your eyes are closed. I could play couple to save my life, and I could pretend to be in love to save my life too, because that is how much I value myself and my life. I was very sad, that I once again was attacked by one of these unsocial people, people who could turn out to just one day randomly attack you in the parking lot on the school yard, just because they are uncomfortable that you said hello to them and they did not expect such a humane response from you.
I know the warning signs, and every alarm was sent off. And seeing you around the campus, made me so uneasy about dealing you. I tackled you head on like the bull you are.
And be cautioned, this is were you will get widely and vary very insulted.
I had my own project and own study to work on, and you come all smiles and all friendly as if you had not done anything wrong at all. I wanted to believe I spoke with you that day for being friendly, but insuring that in so random act of recollect you did not act on some homicidal tick. As you revealed so much about your self with all these hidden faces you kept on making. I went further so you would not get inside my work and bother me to the point of killing me, because of something you think is going to happen from conversating with me. But however, I disproved that not one damn thing would happen to me from you speaking to me, except you realizing how much you got yourself into a problem, or so called problem that you did not want to be dealing with. "I don't want to be bothering with you anymore." or " I rather not be bothered with you anymore".
And then when I let you go so nicely, you could not accept that you had such issues with a person who treated you nice and even indulged in being your friend despite knowing the truth about what you thought of them. And that you had been a spoiled child all along and could not let go that they were not the person you thought they were and seemed to make them want to pay, for being so honest and nice. And to force them to become this envisionment of a fiend and a villain. But that was not them. Even no matter how many lies and rumors you spread, you could never get em down, Because they only spoke to you for insurance and lied so much about wanting to be your friend, they believed it to be true. Somberly wasting time. And somberly wasting effort, just so you could not interrupt them in their study and waste all of their time and effort. But I admit, dealing with you more than pissed me off, it made me somber, sad and that if I had to defend against some secret death threat, the world is not a very safe place, especially when having to defend against many of such individuals.
But I correct myself, I was not made thankful of my friends and acquaintances, because I was thankful of them in this struggle I valued my life and took warnings seriously instead of letting things turn up explosive.
Much of this, is not just to say how much of a hard time all this was. It showed me how glad sure, I was that I never took any of these people I encountered very seriously at all, or I would have been very somber, because there were many more gruesome stories of people interrupting in the apotogyme. But through all the abuse and misconceptions people had for an individual to be treating people nicely and studying, seems to be the thing out of fiction in a time, where in certain places, people can just get by with these feigned experiences of friendship and ambition.
Certain places so shielded from the world.
A very somber setting.
Comments
Post a Comment