EMVLY.
Embarrassed, I walked around for years and years, hiding self grief and self pity.
Saying that I was inferior and just letting wind blow and people consume the air of life and possiblities where wasted while I waited around for you. You never showed up. Of course,
until it was too late. But who is to even blame?
I was just a kid and to see the imagery that is blasted in the heads of the people of the 90s generation, that love is real and something pop fiction inspired and can be easily attained. There
are certain archetypes in this tribe. The flashy main character and the beautiful main girl and the competitor. Suddenly, when all my life I had been the flashy main character and you were the beautiful main girl, I was ditched for a secondary competitor role. You refused to see me as anyone important. But a little brother. Not even a competitor. And I figured it was because of my skin as everyone tried to pit me down for trying to even be me. People must think seriously delirious things,
I thought. If this is how it is going to be, Mr. Shady Happiness can keep you happy and give you such good times this brown little brother could never.
I am still me, even the skin is brown, whatever the fuck that means.
People are still filled to the rootbeer in sin and lust and they depict an image on you from what they think you are and not for who you are and these are just average strangers they come across.
I waited a long while to see if my decision was right, to just let you go, someone better would come across. Someone who would want to see a future with me, eager and eagerly so!
I had not forgotten the time we played in fourth grade, as those were the best days of my life.
But being beleaguered by these ideals of self hatred and self disgust and seeing the nasty side of the world was never good at all.
Only letting you go, just because you know what you want!
Only letting you go, only because you know what is best.
On;y letting you go, only because I truly did care about you!
I remember the vibrant life and the vibrant cause.
All lost in the time I lost waiting for you to come to class in fifth grade, so I would have a clear chance, but no such answer would be resolved. I went to such lengths to forget you and how the hurt I felt when you had me ditched to go off to another school. And I knew it was you, the same girl as before. You had the same last name. You had the same last frame.
You were so emo and so happy and depressed at the same time in 9th grade and I had been degraded through years of false placed love trying to find your replacement, that I could no longer hardly hold my head up in pride. I had just been lost as the kid I was before. Picked on by everyone, in such a harsh and forbidding world, even a traitor like you who had gotten me down. Was still a welcome angel. But still, you may have joined whatever stupid little club I had ever begun!
You were the only member, believe it. You went off with that guy. To live some happy emo-show love fest to be broadcast on channel 39, where all those type of shows come on, with then lacking comic book shows. I am jealous I must say. For those tears to drip.
For you to cry, gave me an opportunity to try and even feel where I had been shut down!
That I was right to show you, that without me! You won't have a good time.
But that was the kid of the past. Me, now, I didnot know even what to think, I might as well did not even care for all the shit I had been through from such a long time coming, Feeling so forgotten, so loathed and all the while just inferior, while even to this day, I still have the feelings that I love you a lot, even if it is ingrained with years and years of hate against you and hate against me. You would never really talk to me, and I just could not find you to even speak or have the time really! The people all spoke delusional downgrade and not one could ever see me as me, just some guy they had placed in their heads that they thought to know.
Which is just waste! Waste. Good friends I could have been with some of those fallacious people.
But that would have been a waste. Like this double waste, that time when it was finally over.
That guy you hung onto for so much time and hatred and indifference I had held onto changed.
No one came to you in that scene where you cried so desperately on the cafeteria floor. No one was there. I had just gone through something nasty and twisted myself, but I had seen you on the floor.
And I thought the waste. Of you happiness could have been prevented, if that one day, I would have stood and ascertain my feelings but not my position. And that I was totally wrong that time, leaving you to be like this and forget. For you to get older and cry several times to continue to hook up with junk. I questioned if I should go and say," What is wrong?"
But, later, I thought you would not react well to someone who might as well be a stranger to you.
And then maybe you just needed to be alone, so I left,
When I was in the student aide cubicle and you and your male friend, I once fought with came in.
You started to whisper, things about me and that made me happy.
But, even though I dreamed of a future with you in it and being happy and having fun with you.
I knew that by this time, we were seniors and that it was not going to happen, when even today, my heart is too messed up to really feel anything by loneliness, hatred and disgust and contempt for the order of the world if not some of the corrupt people of this world.
But even though I want to just collapse and fall into endless sleep, that will not improve my life, so today, I start a new blog, called MK MZODERN.
Something, I imagined we could have started in the past if we only had even gotten together,
But one can only imagine a world where I still have a heart not in agony.
And it is only promises to women that I have met after you, that even keep me from drowning in agony, I am sad, that I will never promise you anything.
2004 ended a long ago, and so did you in my mind.
But its time to bury the image of you in 2004, so I can even carry out the promises I have had made.
To other women.
And if not prevent a world where strangers see each other as enemies and no one is limited by the mindgames of racism's degradation of their character and potential. Not to say that you are racist.
Saying that I was inferior and just letting wind blow and people consume the air of life and possiblities where wasted while I waited around for you. You never showed up. Of course,
until it was too late. But who is to even blame?
I was just a kid and to see the imagery that is blasted in the heads of the people of the 90s generation, that love is real and something pop fiction inspired and can be easily attained. There
are certain archetypes in this tribe. The flashy main character and the beautiful main girl and the competitor. Suddenly, when all my life I had been the flashy main character and you were the beautiful main girl, I was ditched for a secondary competitor role. You refused to see me as anyone important. But a little brother. Not even a competitor. And I figured it was because of my skin as everyone tried to pit me down for trying to even be me. People must think seriously delirious things,
I thought. If this is how it is going to be, Mr. Shady Happiness can keep you happy and give you such good times this brown little brother could never.
I am still me, even the skin is brown, whatever the fuck that means.
People are still filled to the rootbeer in sin and lust and they depict an image on you from what they think you are and not for who you are and these are just average strangers they come across.
I waited a long while to see if my decision was right, to just let you go, someone better would come across. Someone who would want to see a future with me, eager and eagerly so!
I had not forgotten the time we played in fourth grade, as those were the best days of my life.
But being beleaguered by these ideals of self hatred and self disgust and seeing the nasty side of the world was never good at all.
Only letting you go, just because you know what you want!
Only letting you go, only because you know what is best.
On;y letting you go, only because I truly did care about you!
I remember the vibrant life and the vibrant cause.
All lost in the time I lost waiting for you to come to class in fifth grade, so I would have a clear chance, but no such answer would be resolved. I went to such lengths to forget you and how the hurt I felt when you had me ditched to go off to another school. And I knew it was you, the same girl as before. You had the same last name. You had the same last frame.
You were so emo and so happy and depressed at the same time in 9th grade and I had been degraded through years of false placed love trying to find your replacement, that I could no longer hardly hold my head up in pride. I had just been lost as the kid I was before. Picked on by everyone, in such a harsh and forbidding world, even a traitor like you who had gotten me down. Was still a welcome angel. But still, you may have joined whatever stupid little club I had ever begun!
You were the only member, believe it. You went off with that guy. To live some happy emo-show love fest to be broadcast on channel 39, where all those type of shows come on, with then lacking comic book shows. I am jealous I must say. For those tears to drip.
For you to cry, gave me an opportunity to try and even feel where I had been shut down!
That I was right to show you, that without me! You won't have a good time.
But that was the kid of the past. Me, now, I didnot know even what to think, I might as well did not even care for all the shit I had been through from such a long time coming, Feeling so forgotten, so loathed and all the while just inferior, while even to this day, I still have the feelings that I love you a lot, even if it is ingrained with years and years of hate against you and hate against me. You would never really talk to me, and I just could not find you to even speak or have the time really! The people all spoke delusional downgrade and not one could ever see me as me, just some guy they had placed in their heads that they thought to know.
Which is just waste! Waste. Good friends I could have been with some of those fallacious people.
But that would have been a waste. Like this double waste, that time when it was finally over.
That guy you hung onto for so much time and hatred and indifference I had held onto changed.
No one came to you in that scene where you cried so desperately on the cafeteria floor. No one was there. I had just gone through something nasty and twisted myself, but I had seen you on the floor.
And I thought the waste. Of you happiness could have been prevented, if that one day, I would have stood and ascertain my feelings but not my position. And that I was totally wrong that time, leaving you to be like this and forget. For you to get older and cry several times to continue to hook up with junk. I questioned if I should go and say," What is wrong?"
But, later, I thought you would not react well to someone who might as well be a stranger to you.
And then maybe you just needed to be alone, so I left,
When I was in the student aide cubicle and you and your male friend, I once fought with came in.
You started to whisper, things about me and that made me happy.
But, even though I dreamed of a future with you in it and being happy and having fun with you.
I knew that by this time, we were seniors and that it was not going to happen, when even today, my heart is too messed up to really feel anything by loneliness, hatred and disgust and contempt for the order of the world if not some of the corrupt people of this world.
But even though I want to just collapse and fall into endless sleep, that will not improve my life, so today, I start a new blog, called MK MZODERN.
Something, I imagined we could have started in the past if we only had even gotten together,
But one can only imagine a world where I still have a heart not in agony.
And it is only promises to women that I have met after you, that even keep me from drowning in agony, I am sad, that I will never promise you anything.
2004 ended a long ago, and so did you in my mind.
But its time to bury the image of you in 2004, so I can even carry out the promises I have had made.
To other women.
And if not prevent a world where strangers see each other as enemies and no one is limited by the mindgames of racism's degradation of their character and potential. Not to say that you are racist.
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