date in which I spoke.(1)
The first time I really tried earnestly to speak to girls was in the first week of college. In fact, one day before class for "psychology" would begin, I talked to a particular short cropped girl and her she was so cool. Compared to anyone I ever spoke to, she was not mean, she was not conserving some culture in which you did not belong and her response was not to distance you and she was frankly a nice person. That is compared to the self serving tribes and races and colors and complexities of mind individuals of highschool and beyond. For many people they stay stuck in highschool and specifically carry on beliefs of highschool through their adult life. I never was one of the people to believe in highschool being anything so really I just wanted to meet people who actually lived in the real world and were not these hostile carrier pigeons of hatred and social bastardization.
Also compared to the people in that class, she was most friendly. She did not kiss up to the teacher. There was this African American girl in that class who swore it was her duty to put herself out there as being lesser than all the other students and I desperately wanted to slap that talking self hating barrage of crap. But harassment and assault is illegal. But to say the teacher did nothing really much to stop her in her barrage of putting herself down. I mean, give the fuck up already if you are going to come here and complain about this and that...frankly, who the fuck raised you?
But on that note; to say the least since the teacher refused to say anything much about this particular girl putting herself down and in fact invited it; just says to me in all spidey senses, she is a low key racist. Sure she befriend this army dude but probably only because she believes that only military people are good or resilient of the american will as some Republicans like to think. But I did not like that teacher as she made an effort to call me out as a woman. On the first day like roll call and stuff.
I even said, I am a man. But she forgot and much of sort for her own preference. That being said psychology was toxic in environment, had the worst vibe ever. Everyone was sheltered that it was okay. Others did not fucking care. And there you had our table, the normal individuals who perhaps do not notice with shit is awry.
But foremost to be said the individual I met with on that wednesday before class, was delighted to say that I was speaking to her. I tried to ignore it, because I did not want to find out later that she was not delighted and be all emotional hurt and write a ton of emotional trended work and blog posts and it would just be a waste of time. But later on I did discover in that class that she was not that type of individual. In truth I was happy to be speaking with her and not trapped in this crush phase of mind anymore. In class she was a ray of light in which I felt safe around to say. Like we actually in a modest class room and not this toxic black scape with this toxic heart of a teacher who gave off to everyone else some type of culture to kiss up to principle of falsehood and not actual reality. Or rather no one else seemed to realize the atmosphere was toxic because they were all contributing to it...!
Yet I realized at a length, that necessarily should not be hiding away underneath someone else and that in particular the girl stood out like a sore thumb and perhaps should be the one guarding or protecting her?
While the teacher had this front of being nice, there always seemed like much of her real life was concealed and that all her actually actions were concealed under this myth presentation and while she never truly attacked the girl like she would for everyone else except military guy- it seemed she had a heavily resentment for her regardless of "getting along". It was then I realized some things just do not click, what does this teacher have to hide. Now, I refuse to say anything of the upmost important manner and you see, if you like white there is black. To say there is another side to the story but I will never say it.
Ultimately I made it sort of a duty to protect this girl, from probably that day on. But as she was situated next to army guy, much of which I observed is that the teacher only showed her apparent hatred in body language and sort when she was not near the army guy at all. To say of such, I was comfortable around the girl I met but not comfortable in the classroom we would meet in as it was so toxic and everyone almost like a brain washed goon. I literally only had any friends at the table I sat at. Everyone else indifferent to me even being there even when the teacher who over and over again call me a girl in daily roll call and all else.
Also compared to the people in that class, she was most friendly. She did not kiss up to the teacher. There was this African American girl in that class who swore it was her duty to put herself out there as being lesser than all the other students and I desperately wanted to slap that talking self hating barrage of crap. But harassment and assault is illegal. But to say the teacher did nothing really much to stop her in her barrage of putting herself down. I mean, give the fuck up already if you are going to come here and complain about this and that...frankly, who the fuck raised you?
But on that note; to say the least since the teacher refused to say anything much about this particular girl putting herself down and in fact invited it; just says to me in all spidey senses, she is a low key racist. Sure she befriend this army dude but probably only because she believes that only military people are good or resilient of the american will as some Republicans like to think. But I did not like that teacher as she made an effort to call me out as a woman. On the first day like roll call and stuff.
I even said, I am a man. But she forgot and much of sort for her own preference. That being said psychology was toxic in environment, had the worst vibe ever. Everyone was sheltered that it was okay. Others did not fucking care. And there you had our table, the normal individuals who perhaps do not notice with shit is awry.
But foremost to be said the individual I met with on that wednesday before class, was delighted to say that I was speaking to her. I tried to ignore it, because I did not want to find out later that she was not delighted and be all emotional hurt and write a ton of emotional trended work and blog posts and it would just be a waste of time. But later on I did discover in that class that she was not that type of individual. In truth I was happy to be speaking with her and not trapped in this crush phase of mind anymore. In class she was a ray of light in which I felt safe around to say. Like we actually in a modest class room and not this toxic black scape with this toxic heart of a teacher who gave off to everyone else some type of culture to kiss up to principle of falsehood and not actual reality. Or rather no one else seemed to realize the atmosphere was toxic because they were all contributing to it...!
Yet I realized at a length, that necessarily should not be hiding away underneath someone else and that in particular the girl stood out like a sore thumb and perhaps should be the one guarding or protecting her?
While the teacher had this front of being nice, there always seemed like much of her real life was concealed and that all her actually actions were concealed under this myth presentation and while she never truly attacked the girl like she would for everyone else except military guy- it seemed she had a heavily resentment for her regardless of "getting along". It was then I realized some things just do not click, what does this teacher have to hide. Now, I refuse to say anything of the upmost important manner and you see, if you like white there is black. To say there is another side to the story but I will never say it.
Ultimately I made it sort of a duty to protect this girl, from probably that day on. But as she was situated next to army guy, much of which I observed is that the teacher only showed her apparent hatred in body language and sort when she was not near the army guy at all. To say of such, I was comfortable around the girl I met but not comfortable in the classroom we would meet in as it was so toxic and everyone almost like a brain washed goon. I literally only had any friends at the table I sat at. Everyone else indifferent to me even being there even when the teacher who over and over again call me a girl in daily roll call and all else.
Comments
Post a Comment